


Office Policy

by Lady_sb



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Smut, Conflict, Drama, Hope, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28585047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_sb/pseuds/Lady_sb
Summary: Rafael Barba returns to New York and is up against former protege Sonny Carisi. Sparks have always flown between the two of them, but will something catch fire this time?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 19
Kudos: 75





	Office Policy

**Author's Note:**

> Hello wonderful people. 
> 
> So Barba is back this week and things have been, odd to say the least. I think I've been open about not liking some of the choices the source material has taken and my fics have always been a response to that. 
> 
> With that I bring to you a fic that isn't really a fixit but kinda of my version of how I hope things go, coloured by some of my interpretation. 
> 
> And now I am just rambling, I just honestly hope people like it. 
> 
> Comments/kudos are love. 
> 
> PS: BTW I wrote this fic a DAY ago before the whole report about the boxing match analogy came out. Sarah will testify that I AM PSYCHIC.

***

_Even with wings made of glass_  
_I know you can fly out_  
_You, no longer fragile_

***

Carisi knew who it was before his knuckles even touched the glass. 

It was his footsteps. Carisi realised at that very moment that he had subconsciously memorised the man’s footsteps. The tread of his gait in those custom Italian leather shoes, polished by the pile of his carpet. 

“Barba.” 

It was a name Carisi hadn’t said out loud in a while. Usually it was said in passing when he was trying to make a point, or explain when someone asked him who it was that had trained him. 

But he hadn’t said it in acknowledgement for quite a while. Two years at least. He always thought that when he said it again it would sound jarring, discordant like a sharp ring of a bell. 

And it did, but he wasn’t prepared on how softly it would resonate through him. 

“Barba.” 

Rafael Barba, bearded and wind scruffed silver standing in his doorway, dressed the colour of a New York winter, carrying with him the smell of the Manhattan streets. That and the cologne he had always been fond of, which Carisi irritatedly realised that he also recognised. 

“Carisi, fancy running into you here after hours.” 

A jab. A snark. It made Sonny wonder if the calendar had somehow flipped back to 2015. 

“You know how it is, bad guys never sleep,” Carisi fires back, tensing his shoulders as if preparing himself to take a blow, his chair creaking under his movement. 

He felt his muscles become tighter when Barba had become preoccupied with looking around at his tiny space. Sweeping those expressive eyes over the outdated furniture and cheaply made cabinets. The plaques and the drawings, ending at the framed photo he kept on his desk. 

Sonny wanted to hold it up like a shield. 

He opened his mouth to ready a smart retort, knowing that he should familiarise himself with standing toe-to-toe with him. To see him as an adversary rather than an ally. Someone he could take down and not someone who had once held his heart in his hands. 

But he wasn’t prepared when Barba finally does look at him and he realises that the look in his eyes wasn’t mocking. He feels shame flood him at his presumption. Barba was sharp but he was never cruel. 

The look in his eyes, it was _familiarity_. 

And just like that, the tension bleeds from his gawky frame, unlocking the stiffness in his joints and easing him further into the chair. 

He saunters closer and Carisi gets a full waft of that cologne. Expensive, citrus, sharpened by the cold and muffled by grey cashmere and his kid leather gloves. 

Carisi also remembered it was more pronounced when his skin was heated, filtered through the unbleached cotton of his shirts. 

“I take it Fin and Liv got you to take this case?” Carisi got up and walked around so that he could perch on the edge of his desk, hands shoved deep in his pockets so that he could grip the material to centre himself. A trick he did when his nerves started to get on edge and threaten to unfurl. 

He hoped Barba wouldn’t see it. He knew Barba would see it, but he also knew that Rafael had enough sense to leave some things alone. 

He shrugged. 

“Admittedly they didn’t have to twist my arm that much,” Barba confessed, his shoulders slanted in that familiar posture. “You have a bad case here Counselor.” 

Sonny stiffened. He had been called that before, but it had a brand new meaning coming from Barba. A shock to the system that he felt all the way down to the marrow. 

“I’ve come up against worse,” Carisi answered nonchalantly, refusing to give any ground. “It must be otherwise why are you here if not to talk deal?” 

“On the contrary, this isn’t a purely professional visit,” Barba answered, his tone so straightforward that Carisi almost bought it. “I did want to see where you stood on this Carisi. I mean you can see how it could swing the jury either way.” 

Carisi frowned, Barba wasn’t the type to be buddy-buddy with an opposing counsel. It simply wasn’t his style, that swing for the fences grandstanding that made him enthralling to watch. 

“If you are trying to bank on our past professional friendship Barba, it won’t work,” Carisi said curtly, arms folded across his chest. “I know you have a job to do, but so do I. So what are you really here to talk about?” 

Anger, like a flash thunderstorm flickered in Barba’s eyes at Sonny’s challenge. But it wasn’t purely from what Sonny had just said. 

Yes, Carisi had chosen his words very carefully. You needed to around Barba.

“Don’t presume Carisi, I am really here just to wish you good luck for tomorrow. And that there are really no hard feelings,” Rafael said smoothly, his charm as finely threaded as the silk of his ties. 

Respect, Sonny could hear it in Rafael’s voice, and it managed to chip ever so slightly away at the defensive wall he had put up. 

Funny though how it could also sound to Sonny like an opening salvo. 

“Back at you Counselor,” Sonny said with a small smile that had no give in the corners. But it managed to thin the tension between them a little, which meant both of their smiles were more authentic now. 

For Sonny the conversation was clearly over. It had achieved its purpose, to allow them to both circle each other and suss out exactly how they were going to go into battle. The ADA smoothed a hand over his waistcoat and took comfort in how it hugged his ribcage like armour. 

However, Rafael didn’t seem to want to leave, standing there in the middle of Sonny’s small office. His feet were fidgety, his hands clenched in loose fists as he looked off to the side. 

Then he turned and Sonny faltered. The dissonance between Rafael’s impassive expression and the look in his eyes made something inside Sonny hurt. 

“You going for insanity?” Sonny said after a cough, not wanting to hold on to that moment anymore than he had to. 

It was like a snap of the fingers. Barba’s expression shifted back to one of all business, the smarm back in his smile. 

“I am going for straight-up not guilty,” he said with a smirk. 

That smile always put Carisi in two minds. He had forgotten how devastating it could be when you were the sole object of Rafael’s attention. 

Barba turned to leave with Carisi watching him silently. 

“See you in court Barba.” 

Carisi thought he caught a ripple travel through Barba at his parting shot. Good, he didn’t want Rafael to think he could have the last word. He saw rather than heard the older man’s deep draw of breath. 

“It is good to see you again Sonny,” Rafael said quietly. 

And with a twist of the doorknob he left Sonny alone in his office, glad that Rafael couldn’t see the look on his face. 

***

Sonny didn’t need this. He didn’t need Barba showing up at his door like no time had passed. Somehow looking even more handsome than when he had left, now that he no longer carried the worries of SVU on his shoulders. 

“I don’t need this,” he muttered to himself as he stacked his notes and shoved them into his battered satchel. Tightening the knot of his tie, Sonny unconsciously straightened the buttons on the cuff of his suit jacket before slipping it on. 

Dark blue today, a comfort colour, a dark red crosshatched tie, his favourite. A hand through his almost completely silver hair to neaten it up. 

A quick look in the mirror and he was done. Sonny straightened his posture and squared his back, but realised that it did nothing to calm the churn inside him. It shouldn’t be like this, he was older than the last time they had met, a milestone 40 and here he was, jittery as a colt. 

“Seriously Sonny,” he sighed. Clenching his jaw, Sonny moved to the side only to stop when he caught in the reflection the picture he had framed up on his desk. Swallowing hard, it brought up feelings inside him that had no right to be there so close to trial. 

He _really_ didn’t need this. 

He had just spent the New Year with someone he thought was everything he wanted, everything he had been chasing for years, ever since that one night out of state. He wanted it so badly, enough to dismiss her muddled signals and the pain accompanying her reticence as she wanted everything from him except him by her side. 

How she called him by his first name, and it was something that both repelled and drew him. 

How funny was it that the small mercy with Rafael had been that the uncertainty had been mutual. 

And Sonny was honest enough with himself to admit that he had tucked away the impermanence of what they had shared as one of his life’s regrets. 

“Ready to go Counselor?” 

Sonny looked up from his coffee and did a double take. If yesterday had left him feeling wrong-footed that he had somehow stepped back in time, the sight of Barba in one of his tailored three-piece suits standing before the court doors made Sonny want to grasp his waist for the ghost of his badge. 

“You shaved Barba. Don’t tell me you did that just for me?” Sonny said coolly. Something hard passed over Rafael’s face before shrugging with a tilt of his head as he fixed his red pocket square. 

“Like riding a bicycle Carisi, surprisingly. Should look the part after all,” he said, running a hand over his jaw.

How was it Barba looked almost exactly the same, give or take some grey in his hair? Sonny thought, allowing some space to feel resentful. He sometimes hated how haggard he looked some nights, eyes red rimmed from stress and lack of sleep. 

But Sonny recognised the move, it was straight out of Barba’s arsenal. 

Sonny knew every trick because he had watched him, watched almost all his cases from the gallery. Missing a few because of his caseload and only one because he had been ordered to. 

Now, he watched him from the other side of the aisle. Scribbling furiously away on his notepad as his client stared blankly straight ahead. 

Carisi had tried a number of times to distill what it was that made Barba so good in court, his chemistry so complex that it had seemed like a fool’s errand given how different they were, not just as people, but in terms of style. 

Barba was flash and confidence. 

Carisi was earnest and camaraderie. 

But after watching him for years, at first intently and then intimately, Carisi finally got it. 

He _understood_ you. 

No matter what evil it was that you had done, he understood you. He didn’t sympathise with it, and thought nothing of openly condoning you, but it didn’t take away the fact that he got you. 

He then used that to get you.

Well, Carisi wasn’t going to let him get to him. 

“Counselors, ready for opening statements?” 

It felt to Carisi like a boxing match going up against Barba. 

Carisi versus Barba: Round One. 

Both gave as good as they got, trading arguments and points. Carisi was miles different from when he had first shadowed Barba, but found that his attention to detail was the real strength here. 

“Anyone have a problem with that?” 

A statement that was like a crack of a whip, coupled with the confident expression on Barba’s face and the way he leaned against the jury box, like he was about to let them in on a particularly big secret. That they were allowed to be his confidant and that they were special to him. 

And Carisi saw that most of them were spellbound. 

He bit the tip of his tongue and irritatedly clicked the top of his pen. Carisi wasn’t about to take that punch on the jaw. 

“Mr Barba is going to play on your emotions.” 

Straightforward, that was his style. He would go after you with sheer dogged determination, pushing and pushing until you were worn out. 

He held nothing back, not even for Rafael Barba. Or maybe it was because it was Rafael Barba. 

That knowing smirk, Carisi would take an inordinate amount of pleasure wiping it off his smug face. 

Later at night when doing a post-mortem of the trial, Carisi was surprised to find how much he was reveling in the process. He knew he was right, he knew he had a case, but after Buchanan’s BS bluster and Barth’s open disdain, to go up against someone who at his core shared his values...well. 

It motivated him, like nothing else had. 

But then, hadn’t that always been the case with Rafael? 

There was something else though, something that Carisi refused to let sit with him, even as the shadows of the night grew long and New York finally let itself sleep. 

Moments. There would be moments where Carisi would forget and he could feel Rafael looking at him out of the corner of his eye. Uncomfortable and familiar, it sat under his skin, made it tingle long after it had happened. 

They would sometimes share a look before either of them got up to do their cross. A glance through plexiglass, held a beat too long, a touch too intimate for open court before one of them would drop their gaze and look away. Sometimes Carisi would be the first one to concede, but just as often so would Barba. 

They both had been tested, repeatedly. The barrier was simply an extra precaution. It couldn’t hurt, and the germaphobe in Carisi appreciated it. 

They would walk past each other, past the barrier, transparent and wafer thin. Carisi would turn and he would be struck by the urge to reach across, to mutually find a solution in the grey area of this case, only to slam up against resistance. He could always see Barba, but not always be able to reach him. 

The irony was not lost on him. 

Two days of arguments, two days of back-and-forth. Usually by this time Carisi could get a pretty good read on the jury, but there was no obvious crystal ball for this one. 

Hence why he wasn’t surprised when Barba showed up again at his office the day before closing arguments. Came in just as Carisi scrunched up the page he had been working on for hours before tossing it into the bin. 

And again, he knew who it was before the rap at the door. 

“You are losing Counselor.” 

Anger flared up inside Carisi, his provocative words like a match to tinder. God, Barba could be a real vicious asshole when he wanted to be. 

“Don’t count your chickens Barba,” Carisi said shortly. “You saw the jury when they heard the full story, they aren’t buying your dog-and-pony show.” 

“You are missing the point that they are still buying some degree of it. I thought I taught you better than that,” Barba said, and Carisi could hear that he was attempting to be jovial, spoiled by the deadly serious rebuke in his voice. 

“You can’t wrap a belt around your neck and win them over this time Rafael,” Carisi fired back, pushing himself away from desk and standing up. 

“Sarcasm, clever. You know who uses that as a weapon right?” Rafael snapped back, taking two steps so that he was facing Carisi head on. 

“Rich. So fucking rich coming from you.” Carisi gave a mirthless laugh. His nostrils flared as he tried to keep any kind of lid on his anger. He was ready, so ready to take Barba on. They weren’t in court, there was no judge, there was no need for the kid gloves now. 

But Barba wasn’t backing down either, feet firmly planted on the thin carpet, his eyes a deep, ominous green. 

“Don’t you dare take your frustrations out on me Sonny,” Barba growled. 

It was a mistake. This was a mistake, they were standing too close together. Close enough so that Carisi could feel the heat coming off from Barba’s body, the barest trace of spirit and the product in his hair. 

Against his will, Carisi saw on the backs of his eyelids a memory, a spooling celluloid. Of another dark night, filled with sorrow and realisations, where he could smell the whisky coming off Barba’s skin, his own perfumed by tequila. 

Hands in shadow, hot enough to leave an imprint on his skin. The brush of hair roughened skin against his own, branding him, a finger tracing the join of his hip. 

“Seriously Barba, why are you here? And don’t think I didn’t notice that you didn’t answer me the first time,” Carisi said, his simmering annoyance almost at full boiling point. 

Almost. He wanted so badly to be mad at him, to cut him to the quick, down to the bone. But he found that he just couldn’t, that wasn’t him.

Because Barba suddenly turned timorous, as the fight left his eyes as quickly as it had come. And with it Carisi’s own anger, tipped silver and reflecting what he was truly feeling at the moment. 

He just felt very, very tired. 

“Why?” he asked, hating that it sounded so sad. So plaintive. 

Silence, stretching out long and deep between them, a gulf neither of them dared to cross. 

“I don’t know,” Barba whispered. 

He then kissed him. 

At first Sonny froze as Rafael pressed their lips together, the rational part of him ringing alarm bells that this was wrong. 

But when Rafael threaded his hands in Sonny’s hair, dropping to grab fistfuls of his collar, Sonny finally kissed him back. All that he was feeling, pricking the corners of his mouth as he put his arms around Rafael’s waist, sinking in when the other man cupped his face. 

Sonny’s eyes flew open when he felt Rafael step back. Ending it, just like that. Both of them seemed short of breath, flushed under their clothes. 

“What was that?” Sonny finally asked, his question sounding muted for all the weight it carried. 

Rafael drew a breath as he took a step back. 

“A truce,” he offered up. 

And with that, for the second time that week, he turned on his heel and walked out of Sonny’s office without a backward glance. 

***

Closing arguments were over. It was up to the jury now. 

The squad noticed that something was off. Not with his closing, that was fine. An almost spiteful inspiration had struck him after Barba had left, which caused the words to flow out like burst dam. 

Liv and Fin seemed almost overly careful around him, no surprise given their involvement. But he didn’t blame them, even though they were the ones that had brought Barba back into his life. 

Truth was, Carisi knew it was coming. Knew deep down in his gut that they would somehow meet again, the inevitability that their fates were tied together in a way neither could explain or fathom. 

Day two, and still no verdict. His phone silent on the desk as he watched the clock tick 11. One hour before the jury would break for lunch. 

By now Carisi was beginning to get antsy. It was as if he could almost see a storm brewing on the horizon, but he wasn’t sure why. That itch under his skin had gotten more persistent, yet it wasn’t painful or irritating. It was exactly the opposite, a mellow feeling that made his throat constrict. 

However today it was nerves, pure and simple. This part of his job, waiting on tenterhooks to hear the outcome, never got any easier no matter how many cases he tried. 

“It never gets easier does it Sonny?” 

Carisi looked up in surprise at the sound of Barba’s voice, plucking what he had been thinking almost word for word out of his head. 

“No Rafael, it doesn’t.” Carisi sat up so he could face Rafael, his suit jacket draped over his arm as he closed the door behind him, tie loosened so he could catch a glimpse of his undershirt and the knot of the gold chain he always wore. 

“How did you cope with it? The stress?” Carisi asked, standing up and anchoring himself using his desk. His voice, it was almost affable now, hiding the undercurrent of steel that underpinned it. 

Barba shrugged, placing his jacket over the sharp corner of the filing cabinet, which for some reason irked Carisi, this almost casual invasion of his space. 

“Good whisky. More often than not it was coffee. Sometimes,” Barba trailed off as he moved closer to where Carisi was standing. “Sometimes,” he repeated, his movements markedly different now from earlier, “it was sex.” 

Carisi stilled, a quick inhale of breath as he took one step forward. 

This kiss, Sonny saw it coming this time. 

A frantic clash of lips and tongue, Rafael clinging on to Sonny’s biceps in a death grip as his teeth sank into the younger man’s bottom lip. This time, Sonny was not caught off guard, this time he didn’t hesitate before kissing back, taking Rafael’s breath into his chest, tasting a sweet desperation on the roof of his mouth. 

Their muffled pants filled the room as their hands roamed each other’s bodies, expertly seeking out sensitive spots and discovering new one, mindful even as they tugged at fabric, testing the seams. 

“Rafael,” Sonny breathed, tracing his jaw with his mouth, yanking his collar to the side so he could graze his teeth over the dip in his neck, marking it until he felt the blood pool in a heated bruise. 

Barba didn’t reply, instead he chose to bring his hand over Sonny’s belly, down until he reached his zipper. The sound obscenely loud as he undid the fastening and reached in for Sonny’s already throbbing cock. 

Sonny could feel his blood start to run hot, gasping when Rafael twisted his wrist and started jerking him off through the thin fabric of his underwear. Sonny forced himself to focus as he undid Rafael’s belt with determined fingers, the sharp sound of the buckle hitting the leather amplifying his lust. 

He had forgotten how _good_ Barba felt under his hands, his solid build, the strength in those arms, defined even under layers of fabric. 

“Sonny, _fuck_ , Sonny,” Rafael moaned into his ear when Sonny roughly kneaded his balls. 

One move and Sonny had Rafael pinned against his desk, pushing him up on it, scattering almost everything on the floor. Sonny trapped him between his arms, the thought beating like a drum at the back of his mind that he didn’t want to let him go. 

One hand squeezed Rafael’s pectoral even as the other never stopped handling his cock, wetness spreading to his palm as the older man moaned when Sonny worked him harder. 

Dropping to his knees without hesitation, Sonny pulled Rafael’s trousers down to his knees, trapping the elastic band of his briefs beneath his balls, exposing his hard prick. 

No finesse, no technique, nothing but potent desire as Sonny swallowed Rafael whole, sucking on his shaft, opening his throat and bobbing his head so that he could taste him at the very back of his mouth. 

But he stopped just as he felt Rafael start to tremble, his hands tightening in Sonny’s hair to the point where it hurt. But it didn’t stop Rafael from inadvertently fucking his throat, shoving his cock in deep and rough so that pre-cum trickled under the blade of his tongue. 

Pulling back with a growl, Sonny wiped the back of his mouth with his hand almost as an accusation. Rafael certainly wasn’t remorseful, his lips pressed in a thin line as his eyes darkened in snide satisfaction. 

“Turn around,” Sonny ordered, getting to his feet, undoing his trousers enough so that he could access his cock. Rafael glared and pushed himself off Sonny’s desk so that he could push the taller man back. 

“You _don’t_ get to tell me what to do,” Rafael said, his voice hard. Sonny grit his teeth as he prepared to fight back, only to stagger when Rafael kissed him again. This time the kiss was messy, with the sole purpose of getting Sonny to yield, sucking and softly biting his tongue. 

Sonny swore when Rafael grasped their erections together, almost rutting against him as he took both of them in his broad hands so that they both could fuck into the clench of his fist. 

The tension from the past week, a whirlwind of unresolved feelings and the fact that Rafael was just too damn attractive, washed over him like a wave, carrying away all the resentment, but still left some bitterness in the wake. 

But he found he couldn’t fight it, didn’t want to. Especially when he felt the soft echo of Rafael’s whimper in his mouth. 

Rafael _wanted_ him, wanted him so badly that he couldn’t wait. Wanted him as fiercely as Sonny did. 

“Turn around Rafi.” Still an order, still a demand, but he did not hide the entreaty at the end. 

Rafael pulled his hand back with a glare, but still turned around and placed his hands on Sonny’s desk, loosening his clothing even further so that he could spread his legs a bit more. 

Licking his fingers, Sonny parted the cheeks of Rafael’s ass and felt his cock pulse when his motions revealed his asshole. He ran his dampened fingers over the tight furl of muscle. 

“Hold still.” Sonny draped his weight over Rafael’s back, dragging his cock over his back entrance so that he could ease some of the ache in his groin. He rummaged through his drawer until he found his tube of hand cream. 

Hissing between his teeth, he pushed in one finger, then two, stretching and spreading his fingers until he felt the muscle just start to become soft and yielding. 

Rafael groaned deep when Sonny opened him with his thumb so he could slip the head of his cock inside him. Another rush of breath and Sonny was fully inside him, arms braced on the desk on either side of Rafael’s hips. 

“God, you’ve got a big dick,” Rafael hissed, forcing himself to relax so that Sonny could get balls deep. His cock was achingly hard by now as he brought himself off, spotting the floor as his vision started to go hazy.

Those words, coming from Rafael as he was bent over his desk, his thousand dollar suit near his ankles so that Sonny could bugger him, so he could fuck him open, drove Sonny near to the breaking point. 

He knew he wouldn’t last, he was too turned on, emotions running too high after a week of holding himself back. Sonny felt feverish, drunk as he thrust hard into Rafael. Soon, he was flat out fucking him into the desk, the loud slap, slap, of his hips against Rafael’s ass bouncing off the walls of his office. 

“How I wanted to do this. How I missed doing this,” Sonny slurred, pleasure sparking off his fingertips as he drove his hips harder. Rafael squeezed his eyes shut as Sonny grabbed him by his free arm, twisting it behind his back so that he could have leverage to fuck him harder. 

“More Sonny, faster, fuck,” Rafael groaned, his hand speeding up over his cock. A couple more thrusts, a couple straight on to his prostate and he came, biting his lip so he wouldn’t be heard, almost blanking as he striped the front of Sonny’s desk with his spunk. 

Sonny wanted to come, he wanted to come inside Rafael’s ass so bad. But a sliver of sense managed to grip him, and he pulled out with a pained groaned, jerking and pulling at his cock until he came into his hands with a curse, the semen hot and sticky against the cup of his palms. 

He stumbled backwards against the cabinets, trusting it to hold him up as he felt his knees give out. 

For a few minutes, the only sound in the room was the collective sound of their breathing, ragged and quick. Sonny took deep gulps as he tried to force air back into his lungs. 

And that is when both men heard it. The almost simultaneous buzz of their phones, from Sonny’s phone on the desk and Rafael’s from where it had fallen on the floor. 

With no shame, Rafael flipped Sonny’s phone over, trusting that he hadn’t changed his passcode, opening it with a click. 

“Jury’s back,” Rafael said, his voice back to normal and only just breathless at the edges. 

As Sonny’s world gradually started to swim back into focus, he realised that Rafael was cleaning himself up with a handful of wet wipes that Sonny kept on his desk. Balling them up and throwing them into the bin as he pulled his trousers back up. 

Wincing at the stickiness in his palms, Sonny looked around for something to wipe his hands on, landing finally on Rafael’s suit jacket that was next to him. With a quirk of his eyebrow, Sonny pulled out Rafael’s silk pocket square and almost vindictively wiped his hands with it. 

“What are you, a child?” Rafael said angrily when he realised what Sonny had done, holding up the fabric by the corner, his lip curled in disgust. 

Instead of answering, Sonny shuffled some things around on his desk until he managed to locate a small box, the size of a deck of cards. Wordlessly he handed it over to Barba before turning away to straighten himself up. 

He watched in the reflection of the mirror as Rafael opened the box and genuine surprise cross his face. 

“What is this Sonny?” Rafael asked quietly, pulling out a square of spotted silk. 

Sonny shrugged as he turned around, hoping that his nonchalance could hide the skip of his heart. 

“I found it recently when I was cleaning up my apartment. I bought it for you ages ago, and I guess I never got a chance to give it to you.” 

“What is it for?” Rafael said, letting the delicate fabric slip between his fingers. 

“A thank you. For all we were Rafael, I’ve always been grateful to you for putting me on the path I am on now. The path that made me who I am today.” 

Sonny smiled as he said this, the first real soft smile he had given Barba this entire time. It was yet another talent of Rafael’s, one that for Sonny was even more special than what he pulled out in court, drawing out emotions he had long forgotten about. 

Because Rafael was more than his profession, as was Sonny. 

“We’d better go, reconvening in 10 minutes.” Sonny picked up his bag and his phone and was one foot out the door when Rafael stopped him. 

“Sonny…” 

“Yeah?” Sonny asked over his shoulder. 

“No matter what the outcome, when this is over, let’s go for a drink.” 

Sonny could see that Rafael was being sincere, his ego parked to the side and his eyes clear and honest. It was the most honest Sonny had seen him behave the entire week. 

“Why suddenly so magnanimous Rafael? What makes you think either of us will be okay with each other after this? I have some pride too you know,” Sonny said derisively, not willing to lay down just yet. 

Their mutual uncertainty had always served as a way to hide their polarised emotions. Sex only smoked out the edges of what they felt for each other. 

Sonny wondered if he would ever figure Rafael out, he wondered if he really wanted to. 

“You asked me why I came.” 

Sonny turned around fully, taken aback by the determination he heard in the baritone of Rafael’s voice. 

“I came because, one of my biggest regrets was that I left without saying goodbye.” 

Rafael said this quietly, but he never dropped his eyes from Sonny’s face. His uncertainty, or maybe it was vulnerability, clear and present in the blue fragments of his irises. 

It seemed that Sonny hadn’t been the only one holding regrets to his chest. Holding them so close that it had merged with him and left a hollow. 

He watched as Rafael reached for him, pulled him down so he could kiss him. A kiss filled with gentleness Sonny realised in that moment that he had been bereft of. A break in Rafael’s defenses, a crack in the plexiglass, to show him that his feelings hadn’t been in vain. 

“I want to talk. I want to talk to you.” Rafael said this almost in a hush, but his hand never left Sonny’s face. 

“Okay, we will talk,” Sonny replied softly, as something that felt akin to hope settled inside his chest, wings beating against ribcage. 

Once more, Rafael turned to leave the ADA’s office, his shoulders held high and looking straight ahead. 

The difference was that this time, Sonny was right by his side. 

***

_Let’s shorten the distance with the two of us_  
_We can still make it on time_  
_We can start over_

***

**The End**

***

**Author's Note:**

> Songs used in this fic:
> 
> i. **Final Distance** ~ **宇多田 ヒカル** (from the album **Deep River** )


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